Willingness to Walk Away

We have all found ourselves in those situations when we felt compelled to buy something even though the evidence available at the time suggested there was either zero value or negative value. "But I really want it!" We buy it, and we end up lamenting that decision. Whether one wants to call it buyer's remorse or cognitive dissonance, the end result is the same. We aren't completely happy with the purchase. Nearly all purchases based on emotions or whims end with this feeling.

While shopping for pieces to paint, I have no choice but to be completely disciplined when it comes to buying. The few times I've made emotional purchases (invariably because the piece is so gorgeous), I've put a ton of work into a piece only to break even or lose money. The best approach for me is to not only mentally set the highest price I'm willing to pay ahead of time, but to be willing to walk away if that price isn't met. 

There's a buyer and a seller. Why are they selling such a gorgeous piece in the first place? Maybe they need the money. Maybe it just doesn't work with the other decor. Maybe they are moving. It helps to know why they are selling, but for this entry, the important thing to know is that regardless of the why, these people want this piece of furniture gone.

Both parties in a transaction have a fear of loss. The buyer is afraid that someone else is going to come along, buy the piece, turn it into something gorgeous, and quintuple their money. The seller is afraid that if they don't take the first decent offer, they are going to be stuck with the piece, or ending up dumping it for less than the first decent offer. Conquering the fear of loss from the buyer's side is the only way to make the time and effort profitable. There will always be another piece to buy, so why get too bothered if I don't get something I want? Be willing to walk away if you can't get your price!

Why in the hell am I writing about this? I encountered two vastly different scenarios during this last week, and it made me think about the psychology involved when buying and selling on Craigslist or within Facebook groups.

The first scenario started when I saw this picture on Craigslist....

I had to have it because the price was so low. I could see that it was missing a drawer pull, but I could see that it wouldn't be too terribly difficult to match. Hell, it wasn't French Provincial after all. In terms of miles it wasn't very far away, but in Houston rush-hour traffic, it might as well have been in Northern Mexico. I figured the low price would make up for the two hours it would take to retrieve it, so I agreed to the very tight window of time I was assigned. 

Long story short.....I got there, went upstairs, and when I saw the dresser, the hours of work that it would take to bring back to life immediately flashed before my eyes, like a dying man's life. It wouldn't be worth it. I would need to strip the veneer on top, the bottom drawer was broken, there was a piece of window screen on the underside (Really? Who does that?).....Jesus....it was bad. Before I could say, "Thanks for letting me come by, but I'm going to pass," I thought about the long drive that just ended, and about the one that was in my immediate future. I wasn't leaving empty-handed. I was already invested in this piece. I bought it.

I really don't like spending a lot of time repairing a piece of furniture before painting it. And I really, really hate stripping veneer. I have a trick that makes it easier, but it's still an arduous and time-consuming task. For me, it also proved to be a dangerous task because I sliced my hand quite severely. Normally, when I see that much blood, I pass out, but I didn't this time. It was my left hand that sustained the damage, so my almost-completely-pathetic-and-non-existent sex life wasn't rendered to completely-pathetic. Silver linings.

Where did I go wrong? The price was great, but the time required to obtain and repair the dresser added way too many hours. The second I left home, I was in a position of weakness. I had no leverage. I was psychologically gelded. I was committing myself to something I wasn't sure I wanted. I felt like parties of an arranged marriage.

Though I'm incredibly happy with the end result, the finished product has left me with a pyrrhic feeling more than one of satisfaction.

Redemption came about the very day I cut my hand. I was corresponding with a woman who had a really cool bureau that I really wanted, and she had a few other pieces in which I had some interest. We agreed to meet at 3:30, which meant I had to leave home at 3:25 because the assisted living place was literally three minutes away (I later learned that she was cleaning out her mother's assisted living condo....broken hip). 

I cut my hand 40 minutes before I was scheduled to meet her, and the bleeding hadn't slowed much by the time I needed to leave. No Band-Aid was going to work (besides, I still haven't bought any), so I grabbed an Ace bandage from my tennis backpack, tightly wrapping my wrist and hand to create sufficient pressure to stop bleeding. I tried not to notice the red spot on the bandage as I drove.

I arrived early (two minutes to be exact), and she greeted me. This time, I felt completely different. I could take or leave this stuff. I was confident. I was psychologically disciplined. "Will you take this amount for this, that, and those?" Done. It probably didn't hurt that she and I teased each other (she noticed the blood, and she joked that I had a dead body in my car....a morbid reference to the seedy reputation Craigslist participants seem to have), developing a nice rapport along the way. 

I bought the pieces I wanted at well below ask (and I got two nice patio chairs that I needed anyway). I'll share those photos in another entry once they're complete.

I can take this, or I can leave this. When negotiating, I've always found that leverage is derived from the willingness to walk away. It's psychological leverage, but it's leverage nevertheless. Applying this can help one avoid all sorts of remorse and regret. Sadly, it does nothing to stop bleeding.